Category: Amuses Me

Japanese doesn’t translate well (or Japanese people are weird)

For some reason, the 6 year old got a pack of Japanese Pokemon cards and was anxious to know their names. Like any well meaning father who doesn’t speak Japanese, I lied to the child and just started making up names… for example, this guy was Starlord:

However, as my names got more outlandish (Destructo, Pinky Pie, Super Red Rocketman), he started catching on that maybe I am not being completely truthful (either he’s getting smarter or I’m becoming a worse liar).

To get back on the right side of truth, I uses Google translate to get me what the actual names are. Starlord here offered up am incontrovertible truth tho – Japanese does NOT translate well (ooor, if this is an accurate translation, the folks who do the translations for the English cards take certain liberties to keep them family friendly).

After a first pass with Google Translate…

…it seems Starlord’s name was actually Sanagiras. Check. But, what does that say below the picture? “Do you have cancer”… what??? Then the camera shifted slightly and the translation changed…

The name remained, but now “Do you have cancer” changed to the even more perplexing “Sexual cancer”. This makes his power of “Blow” a little more understandable… thoooo significantly more inappropriate…?

I’ll close by stating that any mention of sexual cancer should always be followed by a mention of Sexual Chocolate. I was surprised to learn at that link that there are 7 references to Sexual Chocolate that I had never heard. The one that I have (the oldest and likely originator of the term) is from the movie Coming to America with Eddie Murphie and Arsenio Hall.

Vicente for Presidente

Most people (Donald Trump excluded), once they reach a certain level of respectability, try to behave, you know, respectably. Thank god Vicente Fox, president of Mexico until 2006, got sick of that and started speaking his true mind.

If you want to see him trying to make a reasoned argument you can, but this sampling of off the rail rants are fantastic…



Jimmy Carter, step down. Vicente Fox, you are now officially my favorite former world leader and you have my vote!


The child was learning about haikus in school (a haiku is a 3 line poem with 5 syllables on the first line, 7 on the second and 5 on the third)… I forgot how much fun it is to talk about the world in Haiku form! 🙂

On the older child’s soccer practice
A rite of passage
Happens to all in soccer
Got beaned in the head

On coaching the younger child’s soccer team for the first time
Team of 6 year olds
Kids run in all directions
What’s his name again?

On the weather
The thunder is loud
Sky is dark, outside is wet
Soccer is canceled

Listening to 9 year olds talk among themselves
So embarrassing
No longer can go outside
My mom just said “rad”

On Trump
Is no collusion
The Russia probe is a hoax
He said covfefe

On life
Sink is filling up
Dishes dishes everywhere
Dishwasher broken

The only things I say to my kids
Ok I heard you
Don’t make me come over there
Turn off your iPad

I just saw Cars 3, A.K.A. Pixar does Rocky

My son is a huuge fan of the Cars movies. He doesn’t leave the house unless he is wearing Lightning McQueen and owns more than his fair share of Cars toys. As such, it was a foregone conclusion that we would be seeing Cars 3 on opening weekend. Having just returned from this, I was initially struck by the incredbile similarity with the single most awesome Rocky movie ever, Rocky IV. However, upon further examination, I am realizing more and more similarities with the significantly more terrible (but still oh, so awesome) Rocky III.

Let’s delve into this in a little more detail…

Theme from Cars 3 Rocky III Rocky IV Notes
Bad guy’s name is an obvious play on the good guy’s name Come on, Lightning/Storm, Rocky/Clubber
Hero is motivated by the death of a coach Rocky sure had a lot of coaches die. Seriously, the worst job in the world is a redshirt on the USS Enterprise and second is being a trainer for Rocky
Bad guy making inappropriate advances to the hero’s lady partner Well, as inappropriate as can get in a Pixar movie
Hero has to recover confidence after being soundly defeated by a black man
Training montage Honestly, Rocky 3 may have had one, but the montage in 4 really sets the bar for all time
Bad guy is a product of technology while the hero is all heart
Bad guy trains in a super modern facility while hero roughs it
Running on the beach as training
Babe who leers menacingly at the hero Granted the statician babe car is no Bridgette Fonda, but you get the idea
Hero finally beating his trainer proving he’s ready to finally do battle with the bad guy Nice play on this in Cars
Conquering age to be the champ again Fine, this didn’t actually happen in either of these Rockys. However, considering they made at least 3 more Rocky movies (Rocky V, Rocky Balboa and Creed) after Stallone turned 80, I have to think that this theme must have been touched on at some point
Competition at the end between coach and student with outcome uncertain

Verdict: Clearly, the more memorable Rocky IV should not overshadow the influence that the terrible (but oh so awesome) Rocky III had on this movie.

This is why I love Austin 

In a word, diversity. This town brings out all sorts. And I’m not just talking about your regular left wing hippies or your run of the mill fringe right wing extremists… I’m talking about those who are all of the above. 

Like this guy…

Smart car with bumper stickers

On one hand he wears his fringe-right credentials proudly being a fan of and wanting to end the Fed. But on the other hand, he cares about the environment, he wants to reduce his impact and drives a car that only those to the left of Ralph Nader would, a Smart car (I think that weird thing hanging from his mirror is what he uses to feed the hamster that runs on the spinning wheel powering his engine).

Look what the cat dragged in

The play Cats came to Austin last year and the presenting sponsor was… wait for it… “Purina Cat Chow!”. I still can’t decide if this was brilliant product placement, a bizarre juxtaposition of unrelated items or just so groan inducing-ly awkward, so eye-rollingly obvious, so on the nose that I am embarrassed for the marketer who made that decision.

…am leaning towards #3.

Cat Chow sponsoring Cats


We saw this store the last time we were in Houston.

I am very amused by this. This to me is the definition of irony – you have to go inside to experience Outdoor World. This looks like a ride you would see at Disney World or maybe Las Vegas or even Dubai.

Outdoor World


Misspelled (decrepit) candy vending machineThis thing always cracked me up. Seriously aside from just old and dirty, it is truly scary and bizarre… and how does something make it all the way through production with such a glaring misspelling and not get caught by *anyone*??