Category: Amuses Me

No love for Microsoft

There is no shortage of bad press about Microsoft, how they abused their monopoly position, how they force unfavorable contract or predatory pricing terms on their customers etc… well, we came across a great personal example of a pissed off company – we were buying tickets for the Austin Wine Festival and got the following message when we hit submit:

“Since Microsoft has decided for you that you don’t need to receive an order confirmation from us unless we pay a couple thousand dollars, we politely request that you use a non-Hotmail email address”

I love it! You rarely see such spite so openly expressed… stick it to the man!!

Puppet sex

I just watched Team America: World Police again and am a little concerned that I was no longer thoroughly disturbed by the sex scene (it was 2 puppets having sex, for those of you who haven’t had the pleasure).

Dell support

I just got off the phone with Dell support. They told me to call their credit card verification line and gave me the following phone number: 866-477-3355. Imagine my surprise when I called the line and got… sex chat!!

Turns out I missed a digit, the real number is 866-447-3355

The end of the Weekly World News

I read an article a little while back in Toronto’s National Post about the August 27th final issue of the Weekly World News. It was by a “reporter” to the paper who recounted some of his favorite headlines (among other things) – for those of you not familier with the Weekly World News, the following headlines should give you a flavor of what it’s about:

  • The real reason for global warming was that teenage space aliens were stealing our glaciers for party ice
  • The judicial system was in chaos because a thief stole “the book” that judges throw at them
  • Leftovers from the Last Supper were found in a man’s fridge
  • A man who killed a fly was arrested for “pesticide” (the police officer chided, “That’s why we have a SWAT team”)
  • February sues for more days
  • Hide and seek player found after 34 years
  • New study reveals that a stitch in time only saves eight
  • After 27 futile years, a scientist found a “watched pot that boils”
  • Rumsfeld changes his name to Rumsfeldstiltskin and tells rogue nations “guess my new name or we’ll invade you”
  • Homeland security chief’s house robbed five times in a week
  • And my favorite that I remember seeing in the supermarket – Dying alien nation sends farewell Christmas message to Earth

However, the funniest point in the article was the following story that he related:

I once pitched a story positing that, “the US government had data confirming that the one commonality linking all mass killers, including the Columbine shooters, was that they never masturbated. Rather than issue this report, which would save lives but promote onanism, the government prefers to let occasional slaughters take place.” My editors rejected it on the grounds that it was “too plausible.”

Deep in the Heart of Texas

Now everyone sing along with me…

The stars at night,
Are big and bright,
Deep in the heart of Texas,

The prairie sky
Is wide and high,
Deep in the heart of Texas.

The sage in bloom
Is like perfume,
Deep in the heart of Texas,

Reminds me of,
The one I love,
Deep in the heart of Texas.

tx-map-longhorn The coyotes wail,
Along the trail,
Deep in the heart of Texas,

The rabbits rush,
Around the brush,
Deep in the heart of Texas.

The cowboys cry,
“Ki-yip-pee-yi,”
Deep in the heart of Texas,

The dogies bawl,
And bawl and bawl,
Deep in the heart of Texas.

Source

Let’s sexualize the world!

For those of you that remember Mahir, the Turkish stud, one of my study groupmates has pointed me towards another visionary in the same vein.

It would be easy to dismiss Günther and his quest to "sexualize the world" as childish teen-fantasy drivel, but to do so would be to overlook the true brilliance that is Günther.

I urge you to check out his videos immediately… the classic is the Ding Dong Song but Tutti Frutti Summerlove is creeping up as my personal favorite (there is nothing more than a strong PG-13 rating there, but probably still not the best thing to pull up at work ;).

Sexy Gunther
The gratuitous use of white boy-shorts and creative use of fruit (bananas and melons of course) juxtaposed against insightful lyrics such as “honey, you’re so cute, this is the land of bitter fruit. Bananas, melones, yeah!” showcase the true brilliance of Günther. And really, most importantly, how can you resist the sexual dynamo that is *Günther*!

Go to Gunthernet.com and click on "Video" to find out why, when you thought Sweden could do no more damage to the world music scene than Ace of Base, you were horribly horribly wrong…