Targeted emails

This totally cracks me up… I received the following email today…

Dear sir,
Greetings in the name of Allah, the most beneficent,the most merciful. My name is Mrs Halima Abdulahi Mohammed, a widow to Late Mr Hassan A. Mohammed I am 74years old, Presently I am suffering from long time cancer of the breast, […going to die, don’t have any kids… yada, yada, yada…] My late husband was very wealthy and after his death, I inherited all his business and wealth, […still going to die… yada, yada, yada…]

So now i have decided to divide part of this wealth,to contribute to the propagation of Islam and in assisting the less-privileged Muslim faithful and all humanity in Africa and through out the Muslim world,

Wait.. wait… the best part is coming up…

I chose you after visiting the website and I prayed over it,

Hahahahahahahaha!!!!

I discussed this with my Attorney,Barrister Alwal Sadique.I am willing to donate part of the sum of US$18,000,000.00 (Eighteen Million US Dollars) for the development of the hollywork as well as a distribution to aid muslim faithfuls and also for the less privileged, including orphans who lost their mothers through this deadly illness [cancer] no matter their faith.

Because it’s clear from my site that I am a Muslim faithful that does lots of this type of charity work.

Please I want you to note that, this fund is deposited in a Security Company in Dubai,United Arab Emirate (UAE). For that, my lawyer Barrister Alwal Sadique will file in application for the transfer of the money in your name as you wish provided you are ready to use part of this money for this purpose. You will therefore have to travel to Dubai, to sign for the official release of this money as well as advice on how you want the money remitted to you own account. my Attorney will acompany you on this trip.

Lastly I honestly pray that this money when transferred will be used for the said purpose because I have come to find out that wealth acquisition without Allah is vanity upon vanity.for this reason I have decided to set-aside 40% of this money for the service of humanity and the work of Allah.

May the Grace of Allah be our guide and be my refuge when i leave this world. Moreso,I decided to offer you 30% While 20% will be transfered to the account of my Lawyer, Barrister Alwal Sadique as compensation after successful conclusion. The remaining 10% is to cover the expenses […]

Yours in Allah,
Mrs Halima Abdulahi Mohamed.

Wait, now I’m confused, I thought *I* was going to be doing the charity work… why is she setting aside the extra 40% for? Frankly, I am a little hurt, she has *clearly* done her due diligence when she chose me… she even prayed on it!

Oh well, the next time I am in Dubai, I will be sure to follow up on this fantastic opportunity to help my Muslim brothers!

Burned pizza!

burned pizza!The charcoal brick you see pictured on the left is what happens when you put a frozen pizza into a preheated oven and then don’t take it out for four hours… just in case you were wondering.

It was great – it looked like a pizza, you could even make out the shapes of the each individual bell pepper, but there was no food content left – it was 100% charcoal… and it made a strange crackling sound that lasted for a good 15 minutes…

Roads redux

While I am on the subject of the roads in the US vs. the UK – one huge pet peeve that I found while driving in the UK was that it seems cars can seemingly park on whatever curb they want to, even if this means that being parked on the side of the road means you are sticking way the hell out into the middle of the road. In fact in many places, if two cars were parked on opposite sides of the street, they would block enough of the road where it would become unusable. This has the effect of reducing many small 2 lane roads into windy single lanes where the various drivers have to decide, in a polite game of chicken, how best to navigate the resulting single lane without killing each other or sideswiping a parked car.

In the US, if there isn’t room on the road for a car to park *and* for traffic to pass through, we simply don’t allow cars to park there.

Looks kids, there’s parliament building and Big Ben…

I was driving around and for some reason (more often than usual) found myself in the incredibly annoying situation of being the only car in an empty intersection, but having to wait for a red light.

It made me think back to my time when I was driving in the UK and I am definitely now starting to realize the value of the roundabout. Assuming reasonable traffic, it means *never* having to stop for a light. Having an initially slightly more stressful road construct is a *small* price to pay for never having to stop at a red light.

I don’t know why they don’t build more of these in the US… well actually I do… they take more room to build and UK drivers, are consistently more considerate than the average US driver and the only place in the US where I’ve seen roundabouts (Boston), I was constantly fearing for my life because Boston drivers are assholes and everyone believed that *they* had the right of way…

Amway Strikes Back

Arghhh!!! It happened again!! I was walking through Fry’s, really tired, I had just picked up a pack of CD-Rs and was milling around, minding my own business, when I met another freakin’ Amway guy!!! (For those of you unfamiliar with my prior experiences, a little historical reading is in order, see my posting on September 3, 2001).

He was a dead giveaway, using all of the familiar tag-lines: "I own my own business" (he *is* president after all :), "It’s an e-commerce business that deals in goods and services", "I do it on the side", "I’m looking for a select few people to help me", "Can do in my part time, without affecting my life (that cracked me up, he knows my life so well!)", "Very lucrative if I keep an open mind" etc. He sported a business card with the company name of GK Business Solutions, that provided – get this – "e-Commerce Business Development" (whatever the hell that means). As per Amway (Quixtar, i-commerce, whatever) standard operating procedure he wrote his cell phone number on the card as he handed it to me and asked me if I had a card. Unfortunately I had *just* run out or else I would definitely have given one to him ;-). He then suggested that we get together and have coffee at some point and he would be able to explain the whole thing in more detail, I told him that I would get back to him.

However recognizing who he was almost right off the bat, I had a little fun with the guy watching him squirm when I tried to get some specifics out of him…

     "So what does your business do?"
     "We are an e-commerce business that provides online services."
     "What kind of online services do you provide?"
     "My business deals with goods and services, utilizing the internet to better enable people."
     "Better enable people, what does that mean?"
     "Well, we work with the manufacturing sector, moving valuable goods and services to people that need them."
     "What kind of goods?"
     "All kinds of goods that people need."
     "For example?"
     "Well, mainly recession-proof goods, stuff that is not subject to the fluctuations of market conditions."
     "What does recession-proof mean?"
     "Standard goods that all people need. [Seeing my blank look] You know, like what you can get at Walmart."
     "Well, I’m sure Walmart was also affected by the recession."
     "No but the goods that they sell are universal, needed by everyone."

This went on for a while before I grew tired of playing with him.

If I had an infinite amount of time, I would be really interested in taking one of these guys up on their "offer" and seeing how they target people, *just* so I can learn, what the hell is it about me that makes me such a mark for these guys???

Time change

Regarding the time change last weekend – as much as I hate to lose an hour of sleep, I *really* like the fact that I can leave the office at a reasonable hour and still get home with enough time to enjoy some sunlight… or if I leave the office at my normal hour, it is still light out. There is something very depressing about one’s existence when it is dark you get into work in the morning and dark when you leave in the evening.