By now, you are likely aware that Donald Trump, in a move that brings a new dignity to the man and will cement his place in history as a serious leader, made a “big announcement” that he sold a series of not-cringy “digital trading cards.”

The official site states there were 45 thousand cards for sale and showcases about a dozen of them. Curious as to what 45K images of Donald Trump would do to my brain, I took a look at the NFT resale marketplace OpenSea.io. The first thing you notice is that while there were 45K cards sold, in order to create scarcity there are definitely not 45K unique cards available (even tho, as we’ll see later, there could be). Secondly, the quality of these really was as bad as was reported – “lazy Photoshop of stock images” and “haphazardly edited” was very aproppo. This whole production essentially breaks down to a modern day version of paper dolls. All Trump had to do was contribute a handful of head shots and photoshop did the rest.

I am sure that the plummeting price of these is clearly a blip and these will assume their place in the pantheon of truly valuable collector’s items and good long term investment. As such, to help you find the Trump card that reflects your favorite incarnation of our former dear leader, I have prepared an overview of what is available. In 4 easy steps, presenting…

Salim’s Trump Card Designer

Step 1 – Choose your head

Most of the cards use the first head (smiling Trump). That one and the second (Trump who got punched in the eye) can be outfitted with one of two optional sunglasses as well. The third head (sad Trump) is likely sad because that earlier punch gave him a black eye so it is only available with the aviator glasses. Football trump commits you to the red-45 hat and no sunglasses. Finally, if you want to really lean into the virtual nature of this, you can get a pixelhead Trump.

Step 2 – Choose your head topper

I honestly don’t know why anyone would want to cover that beautiful coif of hair but if you did, you are given the option for one of 11 hats. I was surprised that there weren’t any MAGA hat options but I suppose that America was already made great after the first 4 years so they are no longer necessary.

Step 3 – Choose your body

Now that we have our head, the real fun begins! There are a TON of possible bodies to choose from – I’ve broken them down into 6 sets.

Set 1 – Formal Trump

If you value realism in your Trump, this first set of bodies is for you and features him in a variety of suits (some more realistic than others). You get a choice of 4 ties and a variety of totally natural poses that normal people do all the time. For the accessory minded, the fifth body (Trump signalling a right turn), has an optional foam hand that can go over the raised fist.

Set 2 – Sporty Trump

If you prefer your Trump a little more sporty there are 7 options for you. Staying on the more realistic side, the 2 golfer options are your best bet. If you want to show your affinity for your favorite sport and Trump, then you will want one with him holding a pair of boxing gloves, football, soccer ball, basketball or baseball (and bat). I just want to call out that it is totally reasonable for someone sensitive about his small hands to be able to palm a basketball.

Set 3 – Western Trump

Now if the first 2 sets are still a little too formal for you and you want to get your Trump out of that suit, there are 4 options to show his “wild west” side:

Set 4 – Hunter Trump

Continuing the rightward creep down the fantastical scale, if your Trump needs to be in killing shape, then one of 3 hunter bodies is for you. As an added bonus, you can add one of 2 optional dogs as well (an odd addition as Trump seems to hate dogs).

Set 5 – Even yet more alternate-career Trump

Now if the previous sets are all just a bit too realistic for you, then you may prefer Trump as an astronaut, fighter pilot, racecar driver or welder.

Set 6 – Superhero Trump

And to complete the trip down the rabbit hole into Wonderland we’ll close out with 5 superhero Trumps with an absolutely realistic body for a 76 year old.

Step 4 – Choose your background

Finally, once the body is chosen, you have to choose from over 50 different backgrounds.

In summary, there are:

• 9 possible heads
• 12 possible head toppers (beautiful hair or 1 of the 11 hats)
• 36 possible combinations of bodies and accessories (dogs, foam hands or balls)
• 59 backgrounds

The simple math says that with these options, there are 229K possible cards. Now all combinations are not possible but my suspicion is that there are still well over 45K combinations and certainly more than enough possibilities to give you hours of fun choosing the Trump that best represents you. Enjoy!