Terrorists, prostitutes and Communists, oh my!

My wife is filling out immigration forms for the INS (or USCIS or BCIS or immigration.com or Department of Homeland Security or CIS or whatever the *hell* they are called these days!) and part 3 of the I-485 form, asks a series of truly thought-provoking questions (*my* first thought being, what the f**k are these guys thinking??).

Following is a sample of some of the questions that are asked to each and every person applying for permanent residence in the United States (really, I am not making this up – see page 6 of the i-485 form:

  1. Have you ever:
    1. within the past ten years been a prostitute or procured anyone for prostitution, or intend to engage in such activities in the future?
  2. Have you ever engaged in… sabotage, kidnapping, political assassination, hijacking or any other form of terrorist activity?
  3. Do you intend to engage in the U.S. in:
    1. espionage?
    2. any activity a purpose of which is opposition to, or the control of overthrow of, the government of the United States, by force, violence or other unlawful means?
  4. Have you ever been a member of, of in any way affiliated with, the Communist Party or any other totalitarian party?
  5. Have you ever engaged in genocide…?
  6. Do you plan to practice polygamy in the U.S.?

These are questions that the government expects truthful answers to??? Additionally, question 6 baffles me – what is that still doing here? Are we really still scared of communists, do we feel that they still pose a threat to this country? Last I checked the cold was over and we won!

However, the silver lining is, who knew that the war on terror could be so easy? Someone should tell John Ashcroft of the existence of these questions immediately. He will undoubtedly have all of the immigrant spies, terrorists, prostitutes and Communists rounded up shortly!

<sigh> our tax dollars at work…

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